Sphean's Weblog

My Little Poem

sphean — Mon, 05 May 2008 02:56:15 +0000

Huge darkly dull turtle,

Dramatically shoot through Whoopi Goldberg,

Slowly she nervously walk around Dallas Movie Theater,

Over yonder ugly nasty vulture above dive down,

She hurriedly swing yo-yo ………body………cold

Blogzz

sphean — Mon, 05 May 2008 02:29:44 +0000

Its already that time, it already the end of the semester. I like blogging, its like myspace I mean it exactly like myspace minus the 500 words. I’m glad I actually keep up with it I didn’t think I wanted to do it, but I decided to try it and I actually did all the blogs. I surprise myself because I hate writing it was never my thing to write essay. I think it okay now but truthfully its okay I probably never do it after the class ends. It not so bad really. I just don’t think I want to find the time to do it I mean it cool I guess. I’ll just do it for a grade nothing more. When I was writing it, I actually like the fact that I was able to write about old memories I had a bunch of flash back of my past when she ask me to write about the topic Professor Goldfarb gave us. I really enjoyed writing bout the past gave me a chance to look at where I came from the very past that made a part of who I am. At this moment you can tell I’m tired of writing I’m running out of thing to say. Thanks to Professor Goldfarb, I got a chance to look back at the past, something I haven’t done in a long time. I do enjoy writing this was a good experiecnce.

My Other Self

sphean — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:22:47 +0000

I used to love drawing and sculpting. I never thought I stop until I got into other things like breakdance or learning the guitar and the piano. I don’t remember why I stop drawing I just did I lost interest I guess I still can draw I just have to try harder to draw. Then when high school hit I just stop completely, made new friends and started to break dance. I was okay I can kind of do the windmill but not really than I stop that too still didn’t have a reason why I stop the things I did I just lost interest in them.

I used to draw and when I did it was really good for my age I started in elementry. I drew on and off until the beginning of high school. I don’t remember when I stop I just lost interest in them. I think it because I couldn’t get any better and it was probably because I couldn’t get any better. I was frustrated I should of just keep on drawing at least to keep my artistic skill sharp. When I draw now it doesn’t look as good as when I did it in middle school. I’ve tried it but it just look bad so I stop, I mean I can still do it if i concentrate. I should start again. Maybe I can resharpen my skill. I wanted to become a tattoo artist at one time. I heard drawing and tattoo are not alike but I think it has the same concept of shading. I want to bring this creative side out of me again because I remember I used to love to draw.

I started to breakdance in high school but I was not really that good but I tried. I wanted to expand my horizon so I start to break. When I was in high school it was a trend just like the imports nowaday nobody really does it anymore. I wish it was still popular, there was some talented people when I went to school. I used to love to watch my brother crew breakdance. I thought it was the coolest thing. I mean I could start again, it just been busy with work you just really don’t have time to do anything when reality kicks in. I enjoyed it, it kept me fit and it was pretty much like exercising. I want to start again someday when I have time I hope so cause I enjoyed breakdance like I enjoyed drawing.

Drawing and breakdancing was probably the only creative side I had. They were the only 2 thing I really enjoyed. These 2 thing keep me away from stress and doing drug or smoke. Its been awhile but I would really want to start again if I had the time. This will probably get me back in touch with my creative side if I started again. I could do it now but I probably need a lot of practice.

“How To”

sphean — Sun, 04 May 2008 23:18:49 +0000

I want to say that I’m not stressing over finals but I know thats a lie. I just recently done my Humanities exam last Thursday. I was just so nervous actually more anixous than nervous because I wanted to get it over with. I wanted to apply everything that I recently studied on the test. Once that was over with I was relieved that I knew everything on the test and I left no question unanswered. That was only 1of 4 test that I needed to take. I know when the day comes to take the test I’ll be a nervous wreck. I needed to figure out a way to relieve me of the pressure of final exams. I always tried chewing gum but that only keeps me occupied for a little bit because the flavor not lasting. I always tried to not think about the test but the more I don’t think about the test the more nervous and anxious I get. I never heard that the stress ball would relieve stess but that just makes my forearms sore. I thought it would really work but I was wrong. Then I tried to develop something of my own and it funny how simple it was just by thinking to myself or telling myself not to worry about it, really works. I’m not kidding, I tell myself not to be nervous or not to get anxious and that technique works for me. I have to be really comfortable and relax for this to work. I use this technique at home when I’m dealing with my neices and nephew. I would say about 120% of the noise comes from them and it can be a real headache. It really stressful when you know you cannot concentrate with noise when trying to study. I get distracted easily and I cannot multitask it difficult for me I guess I was just not born with it. Its even harder when you have no quiet place in the house or no car to go to a quiet it place and that real stressful. Imagine this everyday when you come home from work and have school the next day and sometimes even after work before you go to school and to do a quick glance before a quiz you know you take in the next couple of hours. It starting to become easier the more I use this technique the more I can handle the pressure of exam, test, or quizzes. I didn’t think it will work but I tried many time before a quiz and test. It hasn’t fail for me yet so I’m going to keep using this technique. That how I deal with my everyday stress and it not hard for me. I like myself better when I’m not stress, I’m not grumpy or angry with anyone or easily irratated by anything when I’m not stress. When I do get a little stress I either use this technique or just try to forget about the stress, it not helping any so why stress. I know I will use this technique in the future and any stressful situation that come my way. I’m glad I found my own technique my own style of relieving stress it a useful technique for many situation to come.

Making Those Changes

sphean — Sun, 04 May 2008 22:40:05 +0000

It been already 4 months, time sure does fly. I don’t know where to begin. It seems that when I look back at January I see a younger version of myself, one that has yet to understand that life takes you on a rollercoaster ride with all it ups and downs. How fast things can go down hill and how fast it things can turn. I didn’t really think about getting my own place or a job until I found out that I needed to do something, that I needed my own personal space to grow and gain new experience. You can say I am one of those late blommers. I started to have more responsibility and less dependency on my parents. I mean I been wanting to do that since I graduated. I just did not take the initiative. I don’t know why I wanted to start now I just felt like I need too. I couldn’t guess why I did not start long ago maybe I was just not ready for it. I just recently got a job. I have a job at Home Depot as a hardware sales associate and it pays well I guess. The costumers are great as well as the associate who work there. I will probably stay here for about a year until I can get some experience before I find a better job. I’m not going to stick with retail forever and I really did not want to. I guess right now I’m waiting for an opportunity to find my own place to actually take that next step in the growing up process. I wanted to get a job and I accomplished it. I’m content about where I am at in life. I feel as though I need to wait a little before getting a new place, it complicated to explain it almost like a gut feeling. I mean I wanted to, if I could have got my own place this semester I would have taken it but the opportunity did not arise. I really wanted to live on my own, to test myself if I could handle the real world. I wanted to start at the basic foundation of growing up, being not a young adult but a grown adult with choices and responsibilities to make. I wanted to pay my own bills: electric, rent, water, phone, car note and gas…etc. I wanted to be more indepedent. I wanted to do something good for myself something better for myself if possible and I wanted to experience what other have already experience that are my age. I know I need to get caught up since I know I am left behind by my other peer who have already been in the shoes that I’m walking in right now. They have already experince what I have yet to experience. I know I change a lot during the past 4 months, I probably change more in these 4 months, then in the past 4 years now that I think about it. I know I will keep changing the more I learn and as I grow I’ll keep on gaining the knowlegde needed to succeed on every opportunity that comes my way.

My Favorite Midnight Snack

sphean — Sun, 04 May 2008 20:39:57 +0000

http://food.yahoo.com/blog/edlevineeats/2957/building-the-perfect-pbj-sandwich

I know that everyone has a favorite snack and mine is the most infamous peanut-butter sandwhich. This is I think the best homemade snack you can have and it easy to make. I like the author idea of writing an article about PBJ because most people would be like why is the author writing about PBJ sandwhich. What make it so intersting to right about to slice of bread, peanut butter and jam. I think the author did not care of what other think nor did it stop him from writing this article that interesting to readers like me. I can relate because I do wonder what peanut butter to use or what jam to slap on the bread. I never thought to try making a peanut butter jam sandwhich with different peanut butter or different jam. The author article is unique because he wrote something that people would think twice about writing. He and I have something in common we both like PBJ sandwhich. I don’t know why I like it so much it just a great mix of peanut butter and jam. If I were to meet the auther I think we would have alot in common not just eating PBJ but other things also. I choose this topic because of the fact that they choose to write about something that you would never think to see on the headlines at yahoo.com. I don’t feel a connection because I think that weird to have a connection to someone you never met but that just me. It don’t really change on how I view blogs, to me blogs are blogs with the authors uniqueness added to it. I know I like what I like and PBJ sandwhich are one of them it cool that someone else has something to say about it than me or actually do a research on the best peanut butter sandwhich. I don’t think there is just one best peanut butter sandwhich out there. Everyone has the favorites in making the best peanut butter sandwhich is up to you and how you like your PBJ sandwhich. I like mine to be simple and easy to make. A PBJ sandwhich that does not get stuck in your teeth. It sucks picking out the left over from your teeth after bitting into a peanut butter sandwhich. That how I like my peanut butter jam sandwhich.

What I Read

sphean — Sun, 04 May 2008 19:57:18 +0000

The blog on Liloze’s page “If I Were Brave”. In some ways I can relate, like I agree that brave comes in many different forms and it is not just a definition for someone saving another life. She gave an example of her brother saving another life, I had something happen like that with my cousin. I for a while I notice his change in character, he becoming angry all the time, was easily irratated by everyone around him, and just wanted to always be by himself. I thought nothing of it until my younger cousin told me he is really depressed and I ask “what is he depressed about” she told me “He think he is a failure, he getting nowhere with his life” I thought I could talk to him to see if anything that I could do because I knew that what comes after deep depression was suicidal thoughts and I was right. What he told me was the same thing his sister told me that he was depressed because he getting nowhere with his life. I told him that life was like a giant-never-ending you may make the right turns or make the wrong turns and end up at a deadend. You can either sit there, moap, and cry because you lost your way; or you can buy a chainsaw at your nearest Walmart and cut the dang thing down. He just sat and look at me with your a dumbass look. I knew I said something right because days later he started to lighten up and laughed more often. I mean I would consider that saving someone life. I would consider myself brave from Liloze’s definition. Liloze is also the type of person that don’t give a crap of what others think and I’m all for it because people that just jugde you are the one who keep you from your purpose in life (that if you let it bother you). Those people just think they have something smart to say but in reality it is going to be the dumpest thing you heard. Like Liloze I do tend to talk faster than I can think but who hasn’t not done that. I do think of myself as an honest person even though I may not look like it or dress like it, but like I said I could care less of others negative thoughts. Liloze writes that she would even save her own enemies life if they hurt her in some way. I can’t completely agree with that. I use to say that too, but when in reality when it actually happens you’ll be left speechless and your good morals that you hold value will be thrown out the window. That what I think anyway. I would say we have similar thoughts and I think any body can become anybody friends if they talk and tried to be friends with one another. She seem cool and I would want to befriends with her. She has her own way of living life and that cool with me.

Movie Review

sphean — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 04:34:08 +0000

I’m not really a big fan of movie before my time but this movie seem ok I thought some part were kind of hilarious. The beginning of the movie seem a bit dull, not interesting at all. It kind of piss me of how the main character (Tom Cruise) seem like a jackass to his brother. I didn’t like the fact that he always use a derogatory remark toward his less fortunate brother. As old as the main character is, he seem to not care about the well being of his brother. He doesn’t understand the condition his brother in. It seem all the main character cares about is the money. I think he was jealous of what he wish his brother had, the millions of dollar. He was piss that his brother recieve the money that he could not understand the concept of. I feel bad that the less fortunate brother is dumbfounded. He does not know what’s going on.

I like the fact that this movie is a serious, adventurous movie. To include with that the director made it humorous also. The part where the couple were making noises in the bedroom and the brother didn’t understand what was going on. So instead, he just mocked them and went on with his business. It’s also interesting knowing that a person that could look so slow, but mentally they could be the smartest person ever.

My Playlist

sphean — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 01:30:55 +0000

Waking up: Come into My Dreams - Dj Foggy: I started listening to song like trance/breakbeat, when I decided to start breakdancing and when it was popular for a short while, well when I was in school.

First Day of School: Relation – Erika: This also is a trance/breakbeat type of music. Everytime I hear song similar to this one make me want to start laying out the cardboard and start breakdancing.

Falling in Love: Stay With Me – Lil Suzy: This song was popular growing up in California. It was the only type of song the older kid listen too. So, it grew on me as I started to learn more about music.
Fight Song: Forever – 8ball and MJG ft. Lloyd: I don’t know how this got into here, my younger brother download song on my computer too. I do enjoy listening to what he listen too. I’m out of high school, he started his second year of high school this year. What he listen too is usually what new.

Breaking Up: She Didn’t Go, She Didn’t Leave – Colby O’Donis: This song reminds me of when I broke up with my girlfriend, and after an hour after we broke up. I realize what a big mistake I did and called her about 20 times to tell her how sorry I was.

Prom: Umma Get It – Yung Joc: This remind me of how much I appreciate rap. Really, all different kinds of music. Not just rap but, country, rock, alternative rock, and etc…

Life: Barber’s Adagio for Strings – William Orbit: I like listening to this type of music it puts me at ease, keeps me relax. A song that I listen too just before I go to sleep.
Mental Breakdown: My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion: I don’t really listen to this type of music. She has a great voice. This song is actually not that bad it alright I like upbeat type of music.
Driving: In A Dream – Rockell: She’s a good freestyle artist and not the rap kind of freestyle. It’s makes me work faster because of the fast pace of this song.
Flashback: Promise Me – Corey Williams: This used to be me and my girfriend favorite song. She used to replay this song all the time.
Wedding: Hustle Fo – Rocko ft. Lloyd: This song is what me and my friends listen too when we cruise around to the a Billard or just hanging outside my house.
Birth Of Child: Love In This Club - Usher: My girlfriend love this song she plays this song when we are cuddling on the couch.
Final Battle: Make A Wish – Du South: This Rnb artist is great to listen to, when I drive my girlfriend home.
Death Scene: Let’s Rendevous – Francisco: Not a typical song I listen too. It from my younger brother playlist.
Funeral Song: Make Mistakes – Jevon Paris: I listen to this song when I do my homework or when I have nothing to listen too like now.
End Credits: Rollercoaster – Bizzy Bone Ft. Lazie Bone: When I have nowhere to go, I turn up the volume to the max and just jam out.

Collecting dust

sphean — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:47:54 +0000

I can finally take a break from school, but it still does not feel like the beginning of my spring break. I took a look under my bed and notice all the junk I collected in the previous year. Things from dumbells, school books, to old shoe boxes and a electric guitar. There was just to many thing to name, but those were the one that caught my attention. I pulled out a old black Lugz shoe box. It was jampack with picture, notes from ex-girlfriends and old picture of friends. It was everything I keep that people gave since the 6th grade. It sure brought back some old memories good and bad. It seem I had a long way to go before I could move on to my closet.

I’m finally done with my bed, I found papers and quiz from school from 3 years ago. The missing half of my shoes. I especially found a lot dimes, penny, and quitar. I felt like I was rich after I was done. I felt a little cleaner in the inside and out. I felt like a clean, neatly, and organize person. It was a good feeling knowing what I had not accomplish in a long time, a tidy room. That was something to be admired knowing how messy my room get when I get home everyday. I knew this was not going to last long, this tidy room. It was gonna get messy sooner or later. I can almost feel it, a haunch of a sort. I know I’m to lazy to do this everyday, this was just to much work to keep my room clean. Especially, when I have friends over everyday and there as messy as I am. It seem like all the stuff under my bed should be thrown out but I didn’t want to all had a memory attached to it eventhough, it was just collecting dusts.

As a couple of days went by I look under my bed and notice that it did not even look like I clean it a couple of days ago. Everything seem to go back the way they were; the dumbells, school books, my electric guitar seem to reappear in the same place. Now I know why I don’t clean it seem pointless. For a moment, I did like being clean even though it did not seem like it was clean that long I still felt pretty nice. As few more days passed and it seem that the space that was empty are starting to be occupied with more memories like picture and such.

I do love the fact I feel that sense of responsibility for my own things. I enjoy this spring cleaning this year even though I have not done this in a long while. I just could not get rid of any of my old stuff, it would be like throwing away my memories. I could not force myself to do it so I kept all of my things but soon I will part form my old things eventually. For now I keep them I might need them these old thing someday.